Tuesday, May 8, 2012

for these and all thy mercies, God's holy name be praised

The past two weeks have been an uphill battle. I've been confused, lonely, and depressed. I prayed and prayed and read my bible and I thought I did everything "right". And still nothing got better, nothing got easier, and I still felt like God was a million miles away.

My past couple posts have given you some insight into my head. It was really hard, but I'd finally decided to just work on trusting God, staying faithful, and taking it one day at a time. Which is much harder than it sounds. I felt just so frustrated with God and life.

One truth that really helped me was the fact that: I could be doing everything right, but there is time between sowing seeds and reaping what you sow. I guess that's where I was.

Because on Monday, it all began to come together.

To really understand the transformation that happened, you need to understand the specific hurdles I was facing and asking God to remove.

All of these were in relation to a Girl Scout competition(GAM) I'm working on prepping my troop for. Usually we're not too serious about it, but it's changing this year. There's a specific point bracket we're trying to get to, but most importantly, I really want to do well. This involves tons of planning, studying, performances, costumes, etc.

Here are some of the hurdles:

Rae's situation: Rae is one of my best friends, who I've known for many years. She's just as motivated, dedicated, and smart as I am, and is my perfect helper in motivating, planning curriculum, teaching our troop, and keeping us on track.

She is also extremely busy, and on our first GAM meeting two months ago, I was devastated to learn that she wouldn't be able to attend the main days(Saturday and Sunday) of the competition because of Academic Decathalon on Saturday and a dance competition on either saturday or sunday or both.

A couple weeks ago, she said there was a change in her situation, and I was hopeful, but dashed again because she revealed that her dance competition was on Sunday. With Decathalon on Saturday, that cleanly blocked her out of attending both days. (instead of possibly being able to come on Sunday.) I was so crushed and so frustrated with God. I prayed for things to get just a bit easier, but they seemed to be getting worse.

Well, yesterday, she told me that her decathalon ended at 2:30PM! With many events after that time, including the song performance which I was worried about, she's now able to come and help out!

Morse Code, Studying, and Rebecca:
Two people are needed to send and receive morse Code for an event. I am one. The only other person attending who had done morse code was Lauren. So I assigned her to it. She sent me several emails saying she would not, WOULD NOT do Morse Code. Lauren is like mah BFFL, but she is also very very stubborn. We argued about it for a while, and I was on the verge of panic. The other girls were struggling with basic events! Adding another event to their schedule WHEN we had someone who knew Morse Code just sitting around, was just crazy! I sent her another email pulling out all the stops, begging her to do it, but in the end it was God who changed her heart and finally she agreed to do it!

Rebecca is also one of my oldest friends, but very different. She's homeschooled too, and loves to doodle and play video games and spazz and surf the internet WAY more than she likes to study. She has ADHD and doesn't concentrate well when she doesn't put her mind to it. I was really worried about her.

And she actually studied! I quizzed her on a bunch of material, and she actually knew it!!! It doesn't sound big but it's big if you know Rebecca.

School of the Crew(Marching)
I was really worried about marching, because we had to choreograph our creative program and I thought everyone else had so little initiative I'd have to do it on top of everything else.

But the first thing Natalie said when she picked me up was "I choreographed the school of the crew!"  We worked it through in the meeting and it was great! Only half of the girls were there, but it was a start!

I just got back from a GAM meeting. There are 14 troops going including us, and over 200 girls!

We're just getting started! There's so much to do! But I finally feel like God's actually on my side. God goes before me and with me into each day! He cares about me.

Keep praying for me! Pray that we learn all the stuff, and there's still a TON of scheduling to work out(we NEED to get the early knot tying slot or else Nat will have to leave for Prom and will recieve a zero to hurt our score)

Glory to God forever!


  1. I'm glad things are getting better :) I've been praying for you, and i will keep praying!

    Your posts always help me when I'm going through a hard time :)

    Oh, btw, did you get the birthday present I sent you?


Amaranthine <3's you. Thanks for the comment!