Who am I? (augh augh if I had an inspiring picture I would totally post it here.)
Teenagedom is supposed to be the age you find out who you are. And I just realized I seriously need to know. When you're young I think your identity comes more from the people and influences around you than from yourself. But in the teenage years all that is stripped away, and you have to come to grips with yourself.
I realized this after I realized: "HEY! I have no friends."
It's not that I can't get along with people. I naturally get along very well with people and can engage in conversation with almost anyone. But I feel like I can't identify with people. Then I realized that I couldn't identify with people because I had no idea who to identify with.
I can't identify with the girly girls and the tomboys, since I am neither. But how, seriously, would I identify myself, Amaranthine?
Nerd? I'm not a nerd, sorry. I like nerdy things, but I'm not defined by them. I realized that things like Star Wars and Artemis Fowl(despite the previous post) actually aren't that big in my life.
Bookworm? I love books, but I love everything else too.
Dancer? Asian? Writer? Pianist? These things are what I like to do, but do they contribute to identity? If someone asked me to describe myself in a few words, those wouldn't come to mind at all.
The older girls I know seem so secure that I just want to be like them. They know who they are, what they want, everything. They have enough confidence in themselves to level mountains. It's okay if some people don't like them or they fail at something. Their confidence and security is like a shield, one which I can't say I have at all.
What about "Amaranthine?" What about this persona I've projected onto myself?
"Amaranthine" is so secure and confident and flippant(at least, that's how I hope I come off as.) She's scatterbrained and melodramatic, but she's confident in her scatterbrainedness and melodramaticocity.(Are those words?)
A daughter of God. That will never change. That's the one thing I'm secure in.
Being on the computer
Just being out of the shower
Everything else under the sun.
But who am I really?
I want friends who love me for who I am. But who is that?
PS. I've promised a lot of posts, but I can't do them right now. I'm sorry.
Add "failed blogger" to my identity.
PPS. This post was more scatterbrained then I would like. (facepalm)