Hello! I feel like crap today.
Why? Because I deleted my signature? Well, that too.
But I also lied to the librarian.... :( Well, I was in a hurry to get a dvd, and in our library system, they don't let you check out DVDs unless you're 18. What I normally do is grab my mom's library card and go through self-checkout, but here they had a security feature on the DVD that prevents you from going through self-checkout.
And so at the checkout desk, the librarian asked if I was 18 and if it was my card, and my brain was not switched on very hard and I said yes to both questions. Then she checked the card and said "It's not really your card, is it?" And I was like "um... not really" And she said "Don't lie to me."(Well, she said "fib", but it's really the same thing. And so I got my mom to come in and get the DVD for me.
On the way home I started crying because I felt so bad. I'm not all that used to lying. And now I feel all messed up and hypocritical, because I come on here and offer life advice to you people and then I go and mess up. And I'm on the church worship team and church leadership team and everyone is like "Aww, you're so nice." "Aww, you're a good Christian" and I'm not. And today was the day Qui had the really nice post about me...and I felt like I was going to cry because I felt fake.
And now non-Christians are going to look at me and cock their heads(well, at their computer screen) and think twice about me.
I did apologize to the librarian, but now I feel like I can never go back into the library :(. When I got home I read my Bible and asked for forgiveness, which is still the right thing to do. But I still feel sort of bad.
Psalm 130 3-4
3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
I know that we all mess up sometimes. Even the best Christians aren't perfect. God doesn't call for perfection. And sometimes, our sins are completely irreversible. There's just no way to make up some things.
2 Samuel 14: 14
Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him
God knows that there's no way to diminish the consequences of sins, "take back" the sins, or stop sinning. He didn't take away the price of sin. Instead, he paid for our sins so we can still go to heaven. I asked God to take away the guilt and replace it with his freedom, and I know he will. God already paid for this sin and all the sins I still have yet to make. But I still feel bad.
The signatureless Amaranthine.