Thursday, December 1, 2011

A post where I just talk.

Perhaps you do not know about the Amaranthine Forever post process. I love to write blog posts, but I need something to kickstart it. It is usually an event, but can also be an idea. The problem with getting ideas for posts is that I have a lot of ideas, but they need to be extremely good, so good that they're just begging me to write them and I can't ignore them.


I still have a lot of post ideas. They are good, but they are not putting the urgency on my soul that they normally have.


So here's a post where I just talk.




Hi.


Some days I just feel so clumsy and awkward, like I'm always saying the wrong thing to everybody, and making mistakes and being stupid and stubborn and causing everyone to hate me. I'm also very opinionated(headdesk). I like to believe that I'm the right one, my opinion is the only one that makes sense, "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, it's just that their opinions are stupid",  which makes me a good blogger but a terrible friend. I have to check myself and make myself more open minded and less I don't know, dictator-like.


I have to watch myself, because I LOVE to give advice and tell people what to do, but I'm sure I drive everybody crazy doing it.


I wish I was good at everything. And this is literal. I wish I was good at everything. Because then I would be famous and people would like me.


I care about what people think of me. I wish everyone would like me. I know that's impossible, but when people are mad at me, even when it's not my fault, I hate it. Even if they're three years old, a jerk, a troll, a mean old lady who hates everybody, I want them to at least like me.

FYI-Being opinionated and stubborn, and also insecure, is a bad combination.

I read the Great Gatsby. Really good book. I dislike every single character in it, but it's a good book still.

I am allergic to spending my money. Seriously. My parents are very careful about their money and it's passed on to us. Both me and my brothers don't buy thing on a regular basis. (Except if it's books from the used library bookstore, and then it's like 25 cents a book.) I could bet you that my brothers haven't spent a dime in  the last six months, and I'd probably be right.

And no, it's not because our parents buy everything for us. It's because I can't find anything to spend money on. I always feel that everything is way to expensive for what it's worth. And I'm so alien to just the usual process of spending money, that buying anything feels unnatural. It's true that the best things in life(books and the internet) are free.


School's almost out, and then Winter Break! I'm looking forward to Christmas this year because my favorite people in the world, my cousins (Capt. Tarpals is one of them, you might have seen him around here) are coming.


This year we're asking for monetary donations toward our mission trip(which is a bummer, especially since I haven't figured out where I want to go.) So I might buy presents for myself. I would buy presents for other people, but I can't figure out what to get them, since half the Christmas presents I get and receive end up broken or sitting useless on a shelf, and I don't want that.



Oh, and I also have a secret santa for my favorite person I'm not related to. I want to get her something spectacularly awesome, but I don't know what. She's seventeen years old and an amazing person, hilarious, a great artist, and really great to be around. I'd like to get her like, a bar of gold or something.


This post is so rambly.......

I'm going to do a "Top 12 Things I'm looking forward to in 2012" post for new years.


Gift suggestions, anyone?


Love,
Amaranthine

4 comments:

  1. I'm the exact same way. I can't stand when I feel as if someone is upset at me, or at something that I did. Sometimes I feel as if people are upset at me just because I perceive their voice as containing an iota of irritation.
    I'm typically wrong, just for the record. I read into things too much.

    But anyways, I know how you feel.

    I wish I had gift suggestions, but I'm not exactly adept at buying gifts for people without asking them first. Unless they're a Star Wars fan or appreciate crazy-looking hats, of course. Then it's simply a matter of getting to a store.

    That's a whole other problem all together. :-)

    -Barriss =) (I think Blogger doesn't like me. I can't sign in.)

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  2. I'm terrible at buying gifts. xD Ihave to buy a gift for the guy I'm dating and I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what to do. I mean I can't even think about what to get my best friend, let alone a guy.

    and don't worry Amaranthine, I like you. :) You're my best internet friend in the entire world.

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  3. I like you. I get you. I wish I wasn't a money spender. I mean, I'm not a spendaholic, but somehow, my money always ends up disappearing. I've been trying to work on this... ;)
    ~Lauren

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  4. I love you.

    I wish I could hang out with you on a daily basis.

    I also wish I had gift suggestions, but I don't. Anything heartfelt suffices, though. Handmade is also special <3 (Like cookies!!!!! :D :D :D)

    Here's a hug that I wish I could walk up and give you in real life.... *HUG*.

    Thank you for a lovely, lovely, rambly post.

    love ya girlfriend <3

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Amaranthine <3's you. Thanks for the comment!