Saturday, January 15, 2011

I don't wanna post today...

I've been trying to get time to write for a LONG time, and Saturday's the perfect day to do it.

One of my biggest problems has been introducing way too many characters at the same time.


Here's an excerpt. The main character, Maran, is going through training. See what I mean by too many characters? When I'm done editing, I'll send a copy to Savannah and a copy to Abby. I'll see what they think....


Ptew! A bright crimson bolt lanced out from Maran's blaster pistol. It flew clear of its target, however. Maran groaned in defeat and laid the blaster down. "I think I should take a break now."
"Oh, don't worry." Dician stood from where she'd been sitting watching Maran's progress. "It wasn't that bad. Besides, you're tired. You were hitting more, earlier."
"I shouldn't be tired."
"Don't be too hard on yourself. It's understandable. C'mon, lets get something to eat."

"Look! Here comes the rookie now."
Maran silently groaned when she spotted Saellys smirking at her. "Hows the heroism? For me, it didn't start until my fifth month, so you have a couple more months to go."
"Oh Jem, you're the only one who would still dare to tease Dician's personal protege", teased Gethra, another pilot. "She'll have your head for sure."
She patted Maran on the shoulder. "Don't feel bad. He doesn't mean it."
"It's okay." Maran shook her head, then pulled out her datapad. "I'm sure I'm getting better."
"Just don't give up."
"Who's giving up?" A woman with a purposeful stride walked up. Maran recognized her as Nektol Arber. Neng had introduced her as "the hottest hotshot pilot" in town. Admittedly, she looked a lot less shy with her hair tied and her face serious. "You know no one gives up in [name to be decided] Squadron, Agera."
"Nektol!" Gethra turned. "I know. I was just explaining the drill to Trainee Parast, ma'am."
"Hmm?" Nektol cast a critical eye on Maran. "Oh yes, I remember you."
"Yes, ma'am." said Maran. She made sure she was standing up straight.
"Call me Nektol. Are you Amaranthine or Maran?"
"Maran, ma-I mean, Nektol."
"Good." she said approvingly. "What's your schedule tomorrow?"
Maran stood up super straight and began rattling it off.
"In the morning I have target practice and hand combat, both with Dician. After lunch, I'm handed over to Special Ops for piloting, obstacle course, training, and flexibility. Then I have to pack."
"Pack for what?"
"Dician and I are going to Ginsberg to resolve a minor issue there. Part of my diplomacy training."
Saellys stretched. "Diplomacy, huh? Isn't diplomacy paying for the funeral of the guy you just shot?"
Nektol wrinkled her brow. "Don't you have something to do, Saellys?"
"No, ma'am", he said, an insolent smile on his face.
"Good. You're chopping fruit on kitchen duty tonight. Anything else?"
"No." He slowly got up.
"You better get going."
He began slinking away, then turned around and winked at Maran.
Maran couldn't help blushing.



How I wrote this scene:
I wrote the first paragraph on my phone waiting in between dance classes.
I wrote this when the creative juices were flowing naturally in November, so this scene has almost no editing at all. I was having trouble coming up with a squadron name, and am still undecided, but I just skipped it and moved on. Got to go write. See ya!

4 comments:

  1. Go write girlie! I liked the excerpt... and I can't wait for aforementioned email.... *waits*


    Anyway, I really liked that! Keep 'em coming! O_o

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  2. I like it so far, though it seemed more like idle chat than a story. I do think you introduced too many characters at one time. What with all the confusing names and the fact that we don't really know any background. Its just like, "Wait, what. Who? .__."
    I can't wait to get the email. :DD I'm eager to read more, since I've heard the synopsis.

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  3. Wow, it's really good!!! At first I was a bit confused, but then I got into it. It's WAY better than anything I've ever written. Great job!!!

    Jedi~Chick<3

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  4. Great writing, but a little confusing with all the characters. Maybe talk about each character before you introduce the next one. Other than that, great!

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Amaranthine <3's you. Thanks for the comment!