Monday, December 6, 2010

Insecure today.

I have random days where I warp back into my little shell of insecurity. There are two main areas of insecurity for me. Dance and artistic ability. 
I've been watching the KAR Nationals on YouTube(anybody go to those?) My studio competes, but I, not getting into any of the PG's, do not.  
And have you noticed my drawing, anybody?(You do not, because I don't post it here, because I'm too insecure about it to show you.)
The other thing DeviantArt is good for, besides finding pictures, is making you feel bad about your own "artistic ability"(What artistic ability? I think mine got run over by a truck.)


And my deficiency in those two areas is somehow expanding to the rest of my life.  "I suck at dance" and "I suck at art" have become "I suck at life."

So, yeah. I suck at life.

I'm good at Star Wars, but I don't think I can put that on a resume. 

One thing that really makes me feel better is a sermon by my pastor. He said that he sucks at art, too. And then he said something that made a lot of sense. He said that at the end, God isn't going to judge you for the gifts he didn't give you.  He's not going to be mad at me for being a terrible artist and dancer. He obviously(if you've ever seen my art and dancing) didn't give me those talents, so I shouldn't feel bad about it.


Another thing is this passage from my favorite kids' book, Catherine Called Birdy.


...I told her about my life and the boredom of sewing and brewing and doctoring and how I would rather go crusading like Uncle George or live with the goats like Perkin. Then, stroking my face with her rough hands, she said: "Little Bird, in the world to come, you will not be asked 'Why were you not George?' or 'Why were you not Perkin?'but 'Why were you not Catherine?'".

Good Night,
Amaranthine



http://www.mcbi.org/what/what_images/monk_seal.jpg

5 comments:

  1. I definatly agree with you about the whole deviantart making you feel bad about your artistic ability. xD Thats why i only look at pictures.

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  2. Um, hi!! I want that last picture for Christmas!!

    And yeah, I always have days where I feel insecure for different reasons :/ i guess the 7th grader in us all will never go away.

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  3. Thanks Amarathine. This actually helped me. =)

    -Leia <3

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  4. That was really good, Amarathine! Thank you for posting that!

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  5. Thank you for posting this, I enjoyed reading it. Great post!!!

    -Barriss :-D

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Amaranthine <3's you. Thanks for the comment!